Parents Should Ignore Their Children More Often

## Parents Should Ignore Their Children More Often: The Benefits of Active Ignoring

In a world where parenting advice often emphasizes constant engagement and vigilance, the idea of "ignoring" children may seem counterintuitive. However, adopting a strategy known as **active ignoring** can be a transformative approach that benefits both parents and children. This method encourages parents to selectively disengage from certain behaviors, allowing children to learn and grow independently.

### **What is Active Ignoring?**

Active ignoring is a deliberate decision by parents to withhold attention from specific unwanted behaviors. This technique is not about neglecting or abandoning children; rather, it focuses on reducing attention-seeking behaviors by not reacting to them. For example, if a child throws a tantrum to gain attention, a parent practicing active ignoring would calmly refrain from engaging until the child calms down.

### **Why Should Parents Consider Ignoring?**

1. **Promotes Autonomy**: By stepping back, parents allow children to reflect on their actions and make better choices independently. This fosters personal responsibility and encourages kids to think critically about their behavior[1].

2. **Reduces Attention-Seeking Behaviors**: Children often act out to gain attention. By not rewarding these behaviors with reactions, parents can help diminish them over time. This leads to healthier interactions and helps children learn that positive behavior garners positive attention[2][3].

3. **Encourages Problem-Solving**: When parents are less involved in minor conflicts or play disputes, children learn to negotiate and resolve issues on their own. This is crucial for developing social skills and emotional regulation[2].

4. **Lessens Parental Stress**: Parenting can be overwhelming, and constantly responding to every demand can lead to burnout. Ignoring certain behaviors allows parents to maintain their composure and enjoy moments of peace without feeling the need to intervene constantly[2].

5. **Builds Trust**: While it may seem like ignoring could harm the parent-child relationship, it can actually strengthen trust when done correctly. Children learn that their parents are there for them when it truly matters, rather than reacting impulsively to every minor issue[1].

### **How to Implement Active Ignoring**

- **Identify Target Behaviors**: Determine which behaviors warrant active ignoring—these might include whining, tantrums, or other attention-seeking actions.

  

- **Stay Calm**: When you choose to ignore a behavior, maintain your composure. Avoid showing frustration or anger; instead, engage in another activity that captures your attention.

- **Reinforce Positive Behavior**: As soon as the undesired behavior stops, redirect your focus back to your child with praise or engagement. This reinforces the idea that good behavior earns attention while negative behavior does not[3][6].

- **Be Consistent**: Consistency is key for active ignoring to be effective. Children may initially escalate their attempts for attention when they realize they are being ignored, but with time, they will learn that this strategy does not yield results.

### **Conclusion**

While it may feel unnatural at first, incorporating active ignoring into your parenting toolkit can lead to significant benefits for both you and your child. By allowing children the space to navigate their emotions and interactions independently, you promote resilience and problem-solving skills that will serve them well throughout life. Embracing this approach not only fosters growth in children but also provides much-needed relief for parents navigating the complexities of family life.

Citations:

[1] https://www.forthealth.com/blog-resources/active-ignoring

[2] https://thewildword.com/benefits-of-ignoring-our-kids/

[3] https://www.imom.com/looking-the-other-way-ignoring-child/

[4] https://genmindful.com/blogs/mindful-moments/types-of-parenting-style

[5] https://www.themotherbabycenter.org/blog/2023/08/gentle-parenting/

[6] https://www.ucl.ac.uk/child-health/sites/child-health/files/active_ignoring_parent_handout.pdf

[7] https://www.betterup.com/blog/parenting-styles

[8] https://jessup.edu/blog/academic-success/the-psychology-behind-different-types-of-parenting-styles/